We heard this delightful and self-deprecating tale from a friendly police officer on the Isle of Man.
The police had a report that some individuals were routinely driving home from a country pub in an unfit state, and decided to look into it.
On the next Saturday night two officers positioned their patrol car discreetly with a view of the pub and the cars in the car park. It was cold and wet and they waited and waited.
At 2am a figure emerged from the pub, staggered down the steps, fell into the bushes and had trouble getting up, and eventually reached his car where he took five minutes trying to get his car keys out of his pocket. After a further interval the lights came on, the engine started and the car sped off.
The officers went in hot pursuit, but it was several hundred yards before they could flag the car down. The driver was immediately breathalysed, and to the great surprise of the officers had no alcohol in his system at all.
They immediately realised what had happened and raced back to the pub, only to find the car park empty.
An addition was duly made to the Manx police lexicon:
“Decoy (noun) – a living or imitation bird or animal used to entice game into a trap.”