I went to see the Monday night darts match at the pub, but our opponents were unable to turn up because of the snow.
So our team had an impromptu practice session. Not only did this become even more tense than an actual match, but it seemed to me that the standard of play was higher too.
The jokes flowed, of course, many of them to do with the recent revelations about the meat content of Tesco’s beefburgers.
Out of those that can be repeated, here are my three favourites:
A guy goes into a Tesco café for a snack, and the server says, “what do you want on your burger?” He replies “£5 each way.”
I bought some Tesco burgers this morning – and they’re off!
Everyone is talking about Tesco’s burgers, but have you tried their value meat balls?
Most of the legislation in medieval England was to control what tradesmen sold to their customers – weights and measures, prohibition on the watering of beer, and so on. So it is incredible to find ourselves here in the third millennium with the largest food retailer in the country.
There are only two possibilities. One is that Tesco failed to keep a proper eye on what they were receiving from their suppliers. The other is that they applied their own maxim “every little helps” and deliberately decided to hoodwink their customers to increase profit margins. Either way, what they did has been illegal in England since time immemorial.
Tesco spends a fortune on advertising to improve public perception. The recent revelations, and the jokes told in thousands of pubs across the UK, will undo their advertising spend many times over.
See also: My Kingdom for a Horse